Irvine's Nightmare.
by Loneeagle42
Summary: The self-proclaimed Ladies' man gets his wish... Yet may live to regret it.


Irvine's Nightmare comes true...  
  
Irvine Kinneas sat in the cafeteria bored. Today was just another boring day in his life. Several students had attempted to take seats next to him and attempt to cheer him up, but he had pulled out his shotgun and shook his head.  
  
"Well, they're guys..." Irvine had thought to himself as the students had made a quick dash out of there. "I'd feel so much better sitting with some cute girls."  
  
He stood up and walked over to one of the female students.  
  
"Heya Cutie. I saved the world, can I get a reward from you?" He said as he purred at her. She turned to face him and began to laugh. "How about a free soda..." She said as she turned back to her friends and began to snicker.  
  
Irvine didn't find that funny, but he couldn't cast a cure spell on his wounded pride. He had tried many, many times to do so, but unfortunately it was not a valid target for healing. To answer the girl, he muttered incoherently and left the room.  
  
Out in the hall he ran into Fuijin, who was heading to the training center.  
  
"Hey Fujy Baby! Punish me! I've been a bad, baaad boy." He told her with a wicked, lecherous smile on his face.  
  
"MORON." Fuijin replied as she kicked him in the shin. Irvine yelped and Fuijin grinned. "HAHA." She said before leaving him there and causing more people around to laugh.  
  
"Yeah, Well Go date a Pirate!" he shouted as he limped off down the hall. Having nothing better to do, he walked to the elevator and pushed the button for the third floor. As he ascended into the top reaches of the Garden, he saw couples of people smiling, laughing, and sometimes necking. He wondered why no woman would accept his charms, after all he was the smoothest cat around, wasn't he?  
  
The elevator opened with a 'Ding' and Irvine stepped out. The first sight he managed to catch was Cid and Edea smiling in the corner. He smiled to Cid and waved him over. Cid nodded and sauntered over to where Irvine was standing.   
  
"Hey Cid, How on earth did you get such a lovely flower man?" Irvine asked the Garden Principal. Cid adjusted his glasses and thought for a second. "Well, That's because I acted nice to her, and continue to do so..." Cid replied as he smiled at Edea. Irvine cracked a smile. "You don't really expect me to believe that, do you?" He said as he looked at Cid.  
  
"All Right. I'll tell you my little secret. Over near the city of Balamb, there's a small draw point that no one's ever found. It contains a single spell... Girl Attractor." Cid said as he pointed to a small map on the wall. "Girl Attractor?" Irvine asked as he pulled out a small notebook and wrote down the location. "Yeah, It had a cooler name, but it was lost in the translation. Anyway, You cast that spell, and any girl that has some feeling for you will find you and confess those feelings." Cid finished as he again adjusted his glasses. Irvine nodded. "Okay, I can't wait to try this one out." he said as he headed for the elevator.  
  
"Oh, Irvine!" Cid called after him, but it was too late. Irvine was already heading down to the first floor. "I meant to tell him that casting it more then once has a nasty side-effect." Just then Edea wrapped her arms around Cid, and he completely forgot about poor Irvine.  
  
The Aforementioned Irvine had borrowed a Garden car and Diablos, to ensure that he wasn't attacked on his way to the draw point. When he arrived at the area, a wavy effect came over the screen as the scenery changed to that of a large clearing in a forest. Irvine got out of the car and went to what appeared to be a large rock that was incrusted with runes. "This must be the draw that Cid was talking about..." He muttered as he examined the rock. Just then a few glowing orbs came out of the ground and entered his mind. "Allright! Five of them!" Irvine said as he smiled wickedly. He retreated to the car and headed back to Balamb Garden.   
  
When He arrived there, he couldn't wait to cast the spell, and he didn't. It caused a lot of sparkley effects and a neat FMV, but no one came running into his arms. Being the impatient person that he was, He casted it until he was out of the spell. When this caused no effect, he shrugged and wandered into the Garden. "Cid musta tricked me..." He thought as he headed for his dorm room. As he passed the Training area, Fuijin had finished her workout and had emerged.  
  
"IRVINE." She said to him as he passed. Irvine turned around and looked at her. "What's up Pirate girl?" He asked. "YOU. ME. DORM. NOW." She said as she grabbed his arm and began to drag him off to the dorm. "Score!" Irvine said as he followed her. Just then, Quistis emerged from her classroom, and took one look at the two.  
  
"Irvine... Come Here." She said as she smiled at him. He tried to pull away from Fuijin, but to no avail. "IRVINE MINE." Fuijin said as she glared daggers at Quistis. "No, He's Mine!" Quistis said as she pried Fuijin off and took her place on Irvine's arm.  
  
"Hey, Plenty of Irvine to Go around." Irvine said as he smiled at both of them. Fuijin looked at Quistis. "SHARE?" She asked. Quistis smiled and nodded. As They continued their path down the hall, Other random girls came out.  
  
"Heya!" Selphie said in her usual cheerful tone. "Where are you going with Irvine?" Fuijin smiled at Selphie. "DORM. FUN. SHARE." She replied as they continued on their way. "Booyeah! Can I come too?" Selphie asked. Quistis nodded and Irvine smiled. "Whoa! Cool." Unfortunately, Irvine heard a lot of noise coming from behind him, and saw that a living wave of girls were rushing up from behind, yelling. "Us Too!"  
  
Suddenly, Irvine began to panic. "What Have I done?" He thought as the wave grew ever closer. He wrenched his arms from the grasp of Fuijin and Quistis and began to run towards the Doctor's office. "IRVINE. COME!" Fuijin yelled as she began to persue the disappearing Seed. Quistis and Selphie also joined in on the growing chase.  
  
Irvine made it to the Doctor's office and locked the door just before the wave of women got there. He looked around, and saw no one.  
  
"Whew... Safe..." Irvine said as he sat down on the hospital bed. Just then Xu, Rinoa, and Doctor Kadawoski(I know i spelled this wrong. Sorry) came from another room and looked at Irvine.   
  
"Irvy...." Rinoa said as she began to walk towards him.  
  
Irvine was already heading for the window after hearing this. He jumped out, and tumbled onto the ground.  
  
"What....Have I done?" He wondered as he ran onto the Quad. Unfortunately for him, the entire horde of girls were waiting for him there.  
  
"Great Caesar's Ghost!" Irvine said as they surrounded him. He had no place to run, and no spell he had could effect them all at once. However, they all smiled at him and began to laugh.  
  
"What's so funny?" Irvine asked. His question was answered as Cid came out of the crowd. "This was a prank Irvine. When you went to the fake draw point, I informed everyone over the PA system of what to do when you came back."  
  
Irvine was fuming mad. But then he began to laugh.  
  
"At least this nightmare is over." He said as he laughed along with the people gathered. 


End file.
